In Search of Advice
by Poecilotheria
Summary: In which Escargon needs advice and Meta Knight gives him some help. Or, why prickly knights are terrible at dating advice. (Gijinka verse)(Implied DDD/Escargon)


"I need your help, Knight." Meta didn't even look up from his novel. He didn't need to anyway. He'd come to recognize that voice and the general headache that came with it.

"Do you now?" he said, turning a page with exaggerated disinterest. Escargon huffed. Meta was, to be entirely blunt, a complete bastard. Unfortunately, he was also the only option left for assistance.

"This is serious!" he snapped. Meta looked up at him for a long moment, and he internally squirmed at the harsh gaze.

"I sincerely doubt that, Sir" he said evenly, but he had already closed his book. The other man's frantic energy was making him curious. "I've no pressing matters to attend to however" he gestured for Escargon to take a seat. He sat, giving Meta a wide berth. To say that the knight appreciated his personal space was an understatement. In fact, a more apt description would be that anything invading said space was liable to end up with a few more holes than they had possessed previously.

"Could you skip the sarcasm for once? I need advice" he said "and I thought you might be helpful for once." He emphasized the final two words. Meta tilted his head slightly. His interest in whatever bothered Escargon enough to come to him outweighed the impish glee he got from tormenting him. Escargon felt two yellow eyes boring into him. "L-love advice" he stammered out. Meta let out a small snort.

"And you think that I am capable of advising on such matters?" he said, amused. He had a point. Escargon had encountered cacti that were more approachable.

"No one else will help me" he grumbled "They all insist they don't know a thing!" When Meta remained silent, Escargon changed tactics. "W-well, I figured, since you're so knowledgable…"

"I am" he responded "However, matters of emotion do not fall within the parameters of my knowledge."

"Fine. I want your opinion then" Escargon quipped. "How would you tell someone you…er…l-loved them?" he stammered out the final words, realizing that he'd just given potential ammo to his pseudo-enemy. Meta paused, and looked genuinely puzzled. It was a rare state for him to be in. He hummed quietly, deep in thought.

"Well" he began "I suppose I would merely inform them. No sense in muddling things." The answer was characteristically blunt, but oddly genuine. Escargon fixed him in an annoyed gaze.

"I'm looking for something with a little more…tact" he said. The other man regarded him with faint irritation.

"Perhaps take them to an agreeable restaurant first" he amended. Admittedly, Meta was as dense about emotional affairs as a block of lead. His personality was probably just as toxic as well.

"You" Escargon said "You have been on a date before...right?" He could tell that Meta had raised an eyebrow, even behind the dark visor of the man's helm.

"Of course. Such things aren't a priority to me, however." He gazed upwards for a moment, thoughtful. "Perhaps if I were as close to another as you are" he mused.

"If you were a little less prickly, perhaps you would be" Escargon responded, pointedly ignoring Meta's hint that he knew the exact issue at hand. Meta tilted his head, gazing into the distance for a moment.

"Probably" he deadpanned. "Though with the antics you and his Majesty get up to I'm inclined to believe such affairs are more trouble than they're worth." It was certainly hard to imagine the ice cold knight being affectionate beyond perhaps threatening somebody a bit less. Then Meta's insinuation hit him like a brick. He sat silent for a bit.

"That obvious?" he murmured.

"I've seen pride parades more subtle" Meta said. Escargon paused, and turned to Meta.

"Why were you at a pride parade?" he asked incredulously.

"I was passing by" he said smoothly "and I hardly think that this is in any way relevant to your inquiry." Escargon could sense Meta practically daring him to push the matter. He decided to not press his luck. He rapidly switched topics.

"Ugh. It's just… He's so dense!" he growled "I invite him to dinner: "It's great having a pal to foot the bill!" I buy him gifts: "You know, me n' yer wallet are good buddies, har har har!" I invite him over for drinks and he brings YOU along and starts raving about a boy's night in!" Meta was laughing now, a breathy, quiet sound. He remembered that night. If he could, he would have framed Escargon's face and given it a spot of honor on his wall. Escargon glared at the knight until he stopped. Meta cleared his throat.

"Then my earlier point still stands, does it not? When subtly fails, one should resort to more direct options" he said, still chuckling slightly. Escargon sighed and rubbed his face.

"So what? I just go announce that I'm madly in love with him?" he spat. Meta nodded sagely.

"Precisely" he responded. Escargon paused, and leapt up from the bench.

"Right! Fine! I-I'm off then!" he whirled around to face Meta "Despite you!" he snapped. Meta watched the flustered man tear off through the courtyard, and sighed. He carefully set aside his novel. Somehow it didn't interest him when the real world's events were so lively at the moment. He gazed over the garden, tracing his eyes along the cobblestone patterns, watching the sparkling spray of the fountain. He stood, and slipped the book into his cape before leisurely making his way out of the courtyard.

Meta's eyes snapped open as a loud, piercing laugh echoed through the castle. They glowed softly in the darkness, a pale grey without the tinted glass of his visor. He lifted his head from his pillow, scowling. If someone had wrote a handbook on acquiring injuries from a bladed weapon, the first entry would be repeatedly disturbing Meta's sleep. The identity of the offending noises finally pierced his drowsy haze, and he sighed harshly. The king and Escargon had been chattering away for many hours now, years of repressed feelings finally being heard. There was even talk of a wedding, god help him. It was all so nauseatingly saccharine. He flopped back onto his pillow, groaning. Well, he mused, a wedding wouldn't be so bad.

"There will be cake, at least" he mumbled.

 **(Author's note:** Just a quick and silly character interaction. I'm planning on a longer story eventually, probably Meta-centric though I love every Kirby character. Anyway, I love all feedback and thanks for reading. Have a good one! -Poecilotheria)


End file.
